never quitting to find ...but the severity slopes
is it a high road? a long road? a wide road? or a road that doesnt exist?
im looking for the road where i am happy, sure of myself, proud, strong, innocent, pure, kind
yes on wither side there are flowers and plants and high trees covering me from wrong existence or worse.. useless time
this road has meaning - the one im searching for
has smooth black surfaces with clear directions where to go
stop signs to pray on time and hotel signs to sleep right and eat healthy
it has all the right speeds and all the right directions to take you exactly where you want to go
which is heaven
yes I want to go to heaven
looking for the road to take me
since im certain im certainly not on the right track
she dreamt her daughter and she saw a devil
my mind leaks to a scarier image..
I am the .. one they fear
not being dramatic but my mind asks the questions
have my actions been any less than a devils drive?
have they been any better than a devils promise?
what am i? but the follower of something tragic
the details of something pathetic
I must be better
have things that others dont have
i must talk about being better
and act about being better
never genuine about being better
god its sooooo strange
how beautiful a woman I was just a short while ago
a second ago, a year ago
memories of robbers, of drunks, and of possible bombers!
but there were also memories of yaseen every morning before the train
the olympics being on and the queen coming to visit... and I forgetting the fireworks and just praying to Allah
he was my fireworks
was it all about nothing?
was it just a dream?
can I really not be a good person if Im not in the place im not in?
must I always be waiting for a different place
to achieve the truth?
I wonder how close that devil is to me?
that she saw in her dreaM?
sometimes I think it was mine and got bored of me
went to play with the minds of others
for I feel so held back
so lost
so tormented by inability to achieve
to love Allah the right way
to be comfortable with who i am
to adore what i have achieved
and to pray to acheive better
to be content with what i have
to want more only on what is on the road to heaven
want more of prayer, tasbeeh, love, honesty, patience, study, honour and
sweetness
I have lost the touch of sensuality
that woman praying so beautifully in a UK star night
from a small apartment
and the Queen so near...
that girl ...
is burning into ash
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