Friday, November 29, 2013

34 days until forever....

and i Feel like an exam i havnt studied for
yet  I know all the answers
why should it be so hard>?
to be so perfect?
african sauna lingers in the background on a canope of another  sleeping  friday
and everyday
the waft of tradition finally touches my skin
glowing dark blissful, hard, energetic, strange, and .... into forever
I am reminded of the new step ive taken and the new girl im turning into
why then should i be unhappy with myself?
why should be worried or unsure of what I really can do?
can I really not do all that I want?
african sauna came true
patience without knowing
why should it all  be so hard?
or is it an ashy soul
that hasnt tasted true cake or true confidence.

is it so?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -