Saturday, November 16, 2013

repeat or first episode?

Pink, Gold, , Multi and Red
Beautifully meant
wanna be like a flower
wanna be like a geisha
wanna be like a disco
wanna be like a classic

Sudanese woman
 A European standard
An oriental tradition
A heart mending thing

Wanna be simple
elegant and good

yes wanna be good
I can be

wanna be the merge of my own combination
and this secretive explanation
wanna be a seductive melting of whispers and explosions

Gold, Black, Silver and Gold
wanna be different

wanna silence all those days I was alone
and wanna welcome all those days i wont be

so now tell me .... will you repeat the same mistake twice? and twice plus a million times?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -