Friday, November 15, 2013

insane without God

sick of saying the same thing
and never meaning anything
sick of being someone I dont want to be
looking at the same old me
useless and confused
and unable to remember like my brains been abused
sick of feeling like a tormented crowded soul
in my own land i have lost battle of control
sick of waking up each and everyday
as if theres nothing more today
just the same big cracks
and the exact same tastes
and the identical hastes to time
sick of bleeding all my self
and becoming someone Im allergic to
and have no connection to
and have no relation to at all

yes Im living with myself and dont know
anything about
am sharing the same soul and dont know
what time it comes in at night
and what its doing
no I have no clue and its all behind my back
a secretive clever attack... really

sick of the woman ive become
a tarnished thing just gone
nowhere can I feel, see, hear , or understand who I am
sick of the blunt body I have
and the sharp eyes that scrape
and the irritation inside me
that breaks... shadows into two
and reflections into 4
each one driven to a direction
as far away from the centre as possible

sick of the stretch of time im in
always leaving things without an end
just stupid enough to think ill blend
behind someone theyll let me in

and until then Ill be gutting out my words against
them all
for im the best and they all fall

and the monster inside me will point and laugh
ha! im the best one around and your all just a draft
of a devils catch

but the truth is im the devils fish
for dinner
smelling rotten but herbed with garlic and thyme
and ill be eaten like a beautiful rhyme
flavoured into insanity
for insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results

and so I must be insane

sick of being insane............

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -