Saturday, April 2, 2011

unknown chemistry

you can't learn chemistry between two people 2 lovers chemsitry is drawn from the inner quarters of true love you cannot touch it , you cannot have it until it is unlocked by the powerful magnet of two connected people chemistry that runs like biology and the physics of dramatic involvemet chemistry that you cannot learn chemistry divine to the stars reaching so far just from the simple development of a relationship i want ..... well i dont know what i want i want the type of chemistry right now that heals me from within that inspires me that simplifies my needs that corrects me that changees me for the better i want the type of chemsitry that shifts me and empowers me chemistry from within chemistry that bulbs internal worlds chemistry that torments darkness chemsitry that... I am yet t find ............

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -