I hate the ending_ the void of my time
hmmm
i go to sleep dissapointed for the story was not created by God
I do not like the end I would have ended it like this
I think ; everytime I am dissapointed
the endings are always always optional for me, always wrong for me
whynot like this?
why not end like this
why like this now ?
i hate it
i go to sleep dissapointed
why am I spending my time in other peoples lives?
in a way that i forget mine
in a way that I am not preoccupied with mine
I am in love with other peoples stories
yet i hate the ending
I always hate the end
but true life is not like that
I am living everyday one more episode of my life
everyday I am adding to the story
everyday the series goes on
I do not know and I will never know what is going to happen
I do not know and i will never know how it will end
until the end
one day
and I know i will never be dissapointed
because it is what God wants for me
this will be my story
not anybody elses..............
this iwll be my details and my heartbreak and happiness
not anybody elses
my sirens of life
my ignorance into death and love
my bliss into hope
my faith into being
my soul into forgiveness
my heart into time
my destiny into his
my fate into mine
my age into space
my eyes into shape
..............
What it is...
I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.
My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-
My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.
But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.
Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...
Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -
It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -
No comments:
Post a Comment