Iscream
it's that time again I'm jolted with vast electri zity by my broken family It's that moment now after a pain full row i no longer know how how to remember, who I am It's that minute all over when I want to Iscream so Iloud all the world can download my Ipain ...........Ifree it's that hour again when I've lost every sing my hart is torn apart it's that wicked silence After an x plosion of emotion I am severely damaged fatally wounded lethally poisoned my words tarnished by the lack of beauty in this house my emotions drizzled with wrench those poisoned rats of feeling they smell rotten in the leaking drains of this disgusting family my shameful piece of home where war is stored and silence roars my twisted back corridors of family that only know tragedy how to demand from me and suck me from me.................... but there can only be so many tears eventually eventually my tears will break dams through this green desert through this putrid land and water will understand how to quench me ................................................................................................
What it is...
I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.
My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-
My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.
But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.
Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...
Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -
It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -
No comments:
Post a Comment