Saturday, April 2, 2011

Happy late belated april fools

It's 2.09 am in themorning I may add...th peak hours of a new day.... its silences since the loud invasion of noise stopped.... I feel like someone was hammering drums.... noisy drums so close to me for the whole day and now its stopped my muscles ache I dont want to be here ....there is cool refreshing glass ofwater sitting on my left hand side it looks surrealo simple so elgant so clean so calm it looks like something out a dream ot of a heavenly picture just this calm full glass of cool beautiful water next to me my mobile phone lies near it loosely no the table angles mislaigned with the corners of time i have not checked it in a while... i have an urge I want to know what it olds ....but now there is silence just the sound of the soft touch of my fingertips with the clicks of the keyboard it sounds like .... the sweetness of words being written something mving in my head this is what the inside of my brain should sound like fomulated kindness with spoken word everything should e so simple and yet i chooe i not to be everyday i insist on investing in thousands of time in other people problems everyday i ask to pay fpr hundreds of stuggling emotion everyday my back hurts and my knees ache and my chest gets tighter with emprisonment everyday I lose myself when all I want is to be like htat free glass of cool calm water.... ______________ who is that I'm tricking who i s it being tricked who was april fools day played on is it everyday april fools is played on me...................................

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -