Monday, April 18, 2011

if for every 2 hours......


Romantic comedies/ Romantic movies/ ROmance - it's my job
it's my ...life
How can a muslim woman like me let life become so....????? in film
I could watch a hundred of these a day
and then do it all over again the next day
if this sounds ridiculously out of poporiton - it is
I know it is
but I am picking up the pieces of my life and so  Iwill gratify this moment of self criticism
I melt into these emotions like chooclate in heat
I smile when they kiss
I know its gona go right
I love that
You know that the fight in the middle is gona get sorted
I hhave been so obsssessed with these ... pills
that I have forgotten how to watch a true movie
A movie
A good one

movies are meant to be something you love yes
not 2 hours of ...... commitment

I feel commited to watch these romantic movies

at first I thought it was normal - all girls love these kind of movies ( don get me wrong its not that its wrong to love or watch these movies what s wrong is my continouus seduction to watch it over and over and over again until I Could get sick_ )

for me these movies are like a drug
my own addiction
and its wrong
it has to stop
if for every movie I read Quran
I would find the love I need a thousand times stronger , a thousand times quicker, A thousand times here to stay

So stolen life - I Will not waste one more minute watching a movie I have seen before

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -