My childhood crush 1

I think to myself _ this is what I want!!!! This is it - he's the one - he's perfect - and You know deep down he wants you too - well he hasn't actually said anything done anything given you any small piece of hint that you could ever possibly go by - but he's the one! he's perfect he's elegant, calm, doesn't talk out of line - a doctor - not that rich but respectable - he love s Sudan he's perfect - all these  songs as i listen to them I can see myself dancing with him - him whispering in my ear

'you're the one'
more songs, more loud songs, mariah carey, santana, careless whisper, even samialzaen,  and we dance, we sort all our problems out
' I couldn't say anything to you before because I didn't know how you felt'
how i felt! I loved you like crazy!
'I didn't know, I was afraid we wouldn't match, I was afraid you would reject me, think I was too different from you'
No, I always thought you thought I was wrong for you, I thought you just didn't want me
NO I've always wanted you - and now here we are dancing , we are one - we will always be together
will you marry me?
Yes!


and then the songs in my headphones finish and I open my eyes



I'm in my apartment a million miles away from this man I'm dreaming of and all I can hear is the traffic now of midnight Britain - I try and imagine where he is now - stuck in a red light on a Khartoum street , working , sleeping, eating...thinking of me?
I am so hyped up - I just want him! that's it - there could possibly be no one else for me! I am sure this is a sign - maybe if I ...well If I .....call him.......

******************WHAT! STOP - slap slap****

My inner self jumps at the notion of such a thing and if possible would have jumped out chocked me and returned -
how dare you even think of a self disrespecting thing like that!
but....what if i pretend i have a work reason or something and then he's so happy maybe he will say - Ive dreamt of this moment or maybe he'll say - can i call you tomorrow or maybe he'll say - don't ever call me again - no he wont say that - but maybe he'll talk so.....formal and normal the way he 's always treated me  that he will just break my heart instead of mending it and  I will hate myself forever

aaaawww.... sense - the destroyer of all magic.......
 - that song where he held me and smiled at me and said I was the one.....
is gone

suddenly I think.....
but what about Love , true love, you know the one where he wouldn't for no circumstance waited all this time to tell you he feels - what about the lovers you Love to see - what do they all have in common?
they don't hide they're feelings - yes they might not say the Love word for a while ( has to reach episode 452 or something until that happens or the end of the film)  but they are attracted they talk they smile they help even save each other  they do NOT think about anyone else - and you know just know  that they re made f or each other

 you want to feel that that man is not thinking of any other girl but you and that he makes it so clear that he is yours and he wants you to be his .........................there is just no NO room for doubt.