just thinking 4

Why do I still care?
I care because I will always remember a dream I had – someone passionate about religion and country someone passionate about himself
I remember the sun gliding into our backs as a holiday drew to an end meaning everything to me and nothing to him
But the I
that I am now
is nothing he knows
he is everything
I wish to forget
But I still remember
always deep down
he is so similar to me
everything is so similar to me
and yet he proved dramatically foreign , he proved the urban man with a ticket away to the malls of the west, he proved like he could melt with Africa but never cover enough latitude to stay

But then he would do something like be kind to family or speak in Arabic or make everyone laugh and I would see the resemblance of his features with Sudan, with himself, with hidden consequence all over again
If anyone can see it – he is Sudanese – he looks, talks, jokes, breathes, coughs, sleeps, eats, hates, loves, wants, desires, admires, knows that he is Sudanese
But what does that mean? For him it is extra baggage, for him it is a weakness and a strength when needed for him it is an exchange to be made for him it is a reason to forget old life and make a new life for himself
away from grapefruits & mangoes, afternoon fiestas, broken electricity and ice blocks in water,
away from hot dust & fajr azans, white cotton Friday breakfast, coffee beans and sweet dough,
away from visiting and being visited, away from everything he was born for and everything he is now - dying towards
away from everything he could have been, from a childhood forgotten and a person forever lost
away from all he craves and doesn’t taste , we might have made it , away from here – in another world, in another place, somewhere where he would have understood , someplace where he would have wanted – to be someone else – where he thought differently and acted beautifully and was patient with Life

I would love him in that place, I would give him my all –