Sunday, July 11, 2010

just thinking 3

I close my eyes and imagine dreams intensifying behind closed rainbows of fearless african colour
colour of love
colour of time
colour of joy
as if the heat of all moments was just eyelids away
you smile and I know what you want
I know what I want


the desert has melted with love for us
we make compassion
we make honesty
we make faith

I close my eyes and see the african storm suddenly calm down
for it is watchin us and we are stronger
I close my eyes and see the nile tremble
for we are waves of passion greater
I close my eyes and see the streets blush
for we stop red faster
I close my eyes and see a shooting star living
I close my eyes and see my shooting star

___________
But then I am jolted from a dream into everything I am today
everything that made me and brought me
into position to be changed by everything here and not there

where africa dreams too
and sunrise
... we wait for together
and sunset colours escape into the night


it is all taken away from me

by sudden memory
by sudden fury
by sudden unwishful thinking
by everything maddening and nothing meaning
happiness

everything is beautifully taken away


I have to open my eyes

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -