Monday, July 5, 2010

If you ask me how I feel I will say I feel like writing is dying inside me

If you ask me how I feel I will say I feel like writing is for bad people
people who give their thoughts for others to read...
is a selfish thing to do
words are powerful so if you use them you are roaring with pleasure of saying
how
you
feel
but
saying
how
you
feel
maddens others and that is a wicked thing to do
so if you ask me how I feel I will say I feel like writing is for wicked people
people who are not afraid to say what they think
or what they want through writing they take
are people who are very dangerous
they learn to write and read and they grow up one day
simply taking everything that was not theirs
through
writing

If you ask me how I feel I will say I feel like writing is a terrible thing
a thing for people who have desires and they scream to be felt
through writing they find what they desire , the letters make up the words make up the sentences make up the stories
that make them feel
desire
through
writing
through their pens and their papers
or their typing as modern writing entails
they write by electronic details
they write when the time is wrong and the days are moving
they write to stay the same and to remain in pleasure
regarding the pain
they write to feel things they never felt or things they bleed to feel
they prepare their imaginations on boards to key touch
If you ask me how I feel I will say I feel like I should stop writing
because nothing means anything
everything i want to write about has been taken by other writers
before me and after me and now
if you ask me how I feel
I will say I feel like writing is worth .... what the mind can never truly understand

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -