Friday, December 25, 2015

That cream smell...

I love the silence
I love how theres no one here
I love the quiet of the madness and i love me soaking in the haven of a peaceful home
I love the attitude of a healing place
The solitude that it collects from our misery in order to try build itself
I love the shaking of flowers
And brightness of just before dark
I love existing
I love existing here
I dont think i ever saw her cry
No i never saw her cry
I mever saw tears run down her face
I only saw smiles
I only saw now what i never saw then
I miss myself 
I miss myself
I miss the innocence the kindness
The woman i want and need to be imiss the strength
The good troubles
I miss sitting down enjoying the good weather
I miss this really great weather
I miss the pain of being right
And the strength of holding in whats wrong
I miss trying
I miss trying my best
I miss living for me and living for us andliving  for things that are wonderful
Like a good life one that youve worked hard for
Ive been sort of dead whilst living

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -