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Ive come to a decision
that things have got to change
I'm sick of being the same
sick of being wrong
so tired of thinking of other peoples mistakes
and making myself feel that im better than them
L'm not - im just as worse
in my own way
and im aching
in body and mind


wow
im aching
deep within my soul
straight through my system
far out of my mind

like brazils 7
am so out of reach
unsustainable with strength
and utter weakness and madness becomes me
 breaking within life
the show must go on
but im losing every minute

every second hurts
every second am out of control
and its all my fault

underprepared
or dont want to be prepared
feeling mad at myself for doing this

suddenly 109
Suddenly stuck
suddenly gorging with misery that i just cant get lower
suddenly being told what to do instead of asking what to do
suddenl so dehydrated i can feel it in my veins
suddenly thinking about will it when it
suddenly tormeted by grief at the loss of sanaa
and yet tormeted more at the thought i didnt do enough for her pray for her ask for her
be wit her have a sister relationship with her
tormented at things i didnt do couldnt do cant do wont do
tormented at being who i am
me