Friday, December 25, 2015

Life after sanaa 7

Its strange how simple things can make u grieve and other simple things can make u happy
Like remembering how another sanaa danced on her wedding day her lifer hers and her name yours and i thought that day i hope to see u in her place and that will never come true
And it saddens me thus everytime i go to a wedding that ur name isnt around to wed
And yet my heart smiles at the joy of a friday sweet afternoon the peace of the house on a background of tv playing and the yards queitly humming to missing u the plants swaying and the air breathing hello to a new day 
And here i am on christmas day having had a good meal and a good cup of tea with good health and mind and family and tv watching coraline
Feeling happy
Really happy
That my life is jealously perfect 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -