Saturday, December 12, 2015

A quiet night- post drama

Sneeze Away the old and breathe in the new don't take my disgust at myself a sign of weakness for I have found it is actually the opposite I am here to change and develop into everything I can be and I can be beautiful from the inside for I have learnt that beauty cannot be bought cannot be rented cannot be stolen it can only be found within u 
Within that heart of yours beating memorably
Within that mind of yours working wonderfully
Within those cells of yours craving happiness and the joy of the world 
Within those emotions of yours circling themselves
Within that anger inside you that makes you flock your wings like a peacock
Rather an unelegantfeather anger is
Within those fears of yours that can drive you the wrong way 
Within those smiles of yours thatch work wonders
Within those prayers of yours that can protect you from anything

That's where you find beauty within you
And around you
But if yo u lose your tongue it won't be beauty that you see I t won't be anything that you see
Remember Sanaas nodding
Remember how you are lucky to have the people you have in your life
Remember how your tongue is your connection to you r inner beauty
So what you say is a reflection of how beautiful or ugly u are 
Remember how honest you are
And don't let anything get in the WA y of that 
Remember the quiet 
That you must work hard to find 
And you should never give up
Remember it all

Sadness is the sprout for al things from there you learn to grow you learn to move forward but you also learn that there are other ways to choose
Like hope for hoping is a sanity
Not regretting 
For rethinking and regretting that which u think which u do is the true sadness
Not giving up 
For when u give up its like running back to the start again although you can see the finish line
Every time
No wonder you're sick of it
He's sick of it
For when you ooze madness
Your life will be decorated with chaos
That which you do not deserve

This year 
I challenge myself to open up and be all the things I wished I was
All the good words I couldn't be
All the fears that broke me I challenge them not let them challenge me
All the regrets. I ask them to simply convert into faith good planning and hope
For this year I will not challenge allah as I have done
I will easily

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -