Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Life after sanaa 5

Dear sanaa
I am very sad
And yet i promise myself a new day
One that you would be proud of
For i feel you are the fresh air gone in the morning dew and yet i feel you , your crisp freshness in my cheek
For i see your bouncy long hair waving in the background and you are flying happy young healthy and somehwere u deserve and you hair glistens in my heart forever
And i see you turn your head towards me one final glance your smile awkward with those beautiful teeth
Your dimples swinging joy
Your eyes glistening with sharp love
And i can hear your sweet unique voice
But you will always be with me sana bana my dear lost one
And yet i hold u in my heart
And yet you bloom in my soul
Flowers all colours joys and power for my existence
Ya allah give me patience
Ya allah change me
Ya allah dont break me
Ya allah help me stay strong not from crying but for believing that i can get through missing her 

Ya allah change me
Ya allah 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -