Monday, January 26, 2015

sent from my iphone_worth the rent

Here i am a long week later
I love how my bodyaches but i wish i could get better
I love how this week has been precious
I ask myself
Why i never did vegatableS in eggs before
Why i didnt drink so much water
Why i didnt like to exercise
Why dont i like to exercise?
Its hard
But its nice and worth it
Ifeel different 
I definitely dont want to go back to the way i was
Not happy with who i am
I dont deserve that
And i want to be healthy for me 
I love allah
Sooo much
And i have that when no one does 
Its like thwyre all renting 
And i am too but i kno who im renting from
This body
Is also rented
And i want to help it not ruin it
Not waste it
I want to be luxurious and simple
Young and warm
Happy and proud
Smart and fun
Strong and sexy
Beautiful true

Ya rab help me

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -