Monday, January 26, 2015

sent from my iphone_bootcamp for faith,,,

Whats happening to me.... Am hungry
All the time
But here i am fasting with a year istigfar and a year after
I love how god just swipes in an instant the devils hardwork
Soo easily
So quietly
so humbly
yet so grand...
No majorities
One god
Thats it
I need a bootcamp for faith
For 2 weeks 1 hour a day i will learn
Read love faith again
Starting from today
Youm arafa...
Today iis the 3 rd october
In 11 days ill have no days left and the day that comes will be a countdown
 to momen coming
I miss him
A lot
And i miss how safe i am with him
I wonder
Will i be that woman waiting in an airport or train station kind and happy
And true with herself??

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -