a broken important day

I am..... lost

not through the simple meaning of the word
like I cant find myself or even cant find my direction
but I am lost in the development of a self system without the breakdown of identity
or the selling of my profits to non individuality and destruction amidst a collaborated
angst within myself that I am no longer the woman i can be or want to be and that i am one of the weakest bodies i have come across
ruralised to the extent of no sound within my soul , poverished by denial and laziness
sucking all the happiness within me living life watching teh river pass me by and i thirsty
unable to move a limb ..........

and yet when i do move limbs its at the wrong time and at the wrong place and only encourages anger
im so loud im so viscious and im so ,,, senseless
breaking hearts and sleep
never able to imagine what he may be thinking
i didnt mean to
is not enough
I wonder what challenges there may be

what challenges there may be, what horrible person inside me has come out
no more gentler or better or kinder or sweeter

just loud


now what i am i going to do
with a broken important day