Friday, June 6, 2014

fragments of jasmine

Fragments of jasmine I can no longer smell her kindness
its like she was taken from us and not.... by her own intelligence
decisions that we... tried to ignore tried to save, tried to hide
and now fragments of jasmine is all i have
no longer the sweet comfort of her being..... ok
used to think it would never happen
used to think it would never happen like this
but it did and not fragments of jasmine are no more

I pray jasmine is whole and not  a fragment of her decisions
I pray jasmine is great and not ripped fragments
her decisions failing her
I pray she doesnt fail
i guess if we fail its ok
but if she fails  life will be a true disaster
I hope jasmine becomes whole
I promise i wont even speak my fears in fear they come true
I dont want them to come true
usually i am so defined i want to prove people wrong
but I dont want to prove jasmine wrong
please ya Allah
let her prove me right
i dont want to be right
let me be a fragment of misunderstanding and let her
be the happy one
the correct one
ya Allah let her be happy
and let her be ok
Ya Allah, please please help her

let her be a true jasmine able to grow and flourish and not ...wither away in dissappearance
for Jasmine will never be the same again

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -