Wednesday, June 11, 2014

we have the same carpet!

we have the same carpet!
but I didnt get the carpet my fiance at that time did
to land on my floor and me overlooking it my life suddenly enters corners or squares?
turning directions can change your vision and thus your actions
a bending triangle of unconscious things.... that lead to the conclusion
we have the same carpet!

we have the same thing
something made us buy it for a show, for a house, for a memory, for an idea, for a place , for a time.....eternal

maybe cells were the same
or thoughts issued were the same
or feelings were in line
or Allah wanted me to have something
to grab a hold on to giving me even more inspiration

we have the same carpet!

today i felt so happy!
I actually did something
ive been mising, been so afraid of , been finding so hard to do
so hard to feel
even though I may not be perfect
I did it
and im proud
2 down 3 to go
am going out
am gonna try

I love my husband
hes an amazing man
makes me calm when im bubbling lava
just like the cool ice in my cup
hes sweet to me when i dont deserve

today I wanted to immerse in Ramdan
Alaahuma Baligni Ramadan

Ya Rab
let me be lucky .... today
 ya Rab am so out of touch with my body but I want to feeeeelll again
want to try again
want to live again
want to understand who I am again
want to love who I am again/////


No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -