in an instant

Pink grapefruit
healthy and clean
like engine juice
like ends not loose
I feel sorry they worked so hard
but i didnt work at all
what do i deserve
what did I achieve
i feel terrible
I feel like im nothing
just a little small white dot on a white page
advancing into the future with no defense
or offense
have no goals
never a goal that came real
have no intentions
any more
no more
I am intentionless
cant remmeber the last time i actually tried and wanted to pray alsubuh on time
until some time i actually cared even though i never did it
and i gloated at myself for thinking caring was never going to go away
but now i just dont care
i think Sure God will forgive me
he will
but who am i to delve into a forbidden thought
I mean its one thing doing the hard work and
then asking for forgiveness
but hoping that it will just happen///////////////


I dont bake anymore
I used to associate baking with a lovely treasureful home filled with nice smelly things and beautiful people
now i associate it with ugliness and grease
my kitchen is cold
my soul is colder
im scared of people
more than i am of God
frightened of the future as i am


goal less


actions can change in an instant
in an instant you can become a winner
or a loser
in a second you can become something
or nothing
you can be put in a good situation or in an instant
be put in a bad one
your life can change your priorities and your future
can all change in an instant
and in an instant
everything doesnt have to be the same way it used to be............



so whats it going to be
which instant are you going to take?