Ya Allah , a new way

am scared
to have everything and nothing at the same time
to be the last to be wronged
to be...flawed
I wanted it to be simple but something is .... off
a tiny bit of hope flickers inside but its just not there
I dont want to disturb the natural order of peace
but im at war
with myself
why is it like this?
what is wrong?
try again?
examples in my life keep popping up
it hurts to think of them
I just try convince myself im nowhere near them

Ya Allah I really need you
I dont want to be in this position
please help me and change it all
Ya Allah
Im glad i thought of it yesterday
and im glad i did it
even though it was hot and stuffy
alhamdulilah

a tiny bit of hope flickers inside
i promise myself i will no longer be the same.....
advanced creature of impatience
or the same useless woman
just so superficial

for i do believe
and i do understand
it is not up to me
no matter what i do

life is all up to God
and i just act
i could act bad
and i could act good
and i could act mad
or sad
or normal
or in denial
or hopeful

Ya Allah
I will change my strategies
and i will change my tragedies
to good things

please help me though , please