wish i was never me

A mistakeful plan
so unaware of my reality
i shatter into a tragedy from my
silly tongue
my burning words
and my hurting insanity
a young girl
so naive
so ...unreal
until i get beaten down
wish i didnt talk
wish i didnt wish
wish i wasnt here


today is not a good day
no words are spoken
and i barely hold on
feeling so alone
feeling so bad
like a caused something bad to happen
without intending
here icannot be stubborn
for its like hitting on a hammer
but i deserve
for i took his happiness away

i blame the government
everything is so wrong here
so how can it not affect me?


I blame history
people who i cant shake
and it makes my heart a misery
almost like theres no space for myself to console
i have to think of them
i have to involve them
even though

they make me an urgent mess
I am a mess
hate being confronted by these and those
people already filling my gaps
and im unable to become superficial
to become better
for sometimes i fear that deep down

 no amount of henna will make me stronger

wish i was queiter
wish i was richer
in intelligence and money
and body
but wish i was cheaper
in emotions
i hate my emotions
they make me ...poor


I just feel
like i abandoned myself
dissappointing myself
wish i could shut up when i need to
and stay silent and sexy like those actors do at the right moment

wish i was never ....me

wish i was never me