Sunday, July 6, 2014

Ramadan Taraweeh 3

I want to be happy
I want to be glamorous in soul
in love with good things

I want to be like Ramadan
pure, innocent, strong, kind hearted
filled with forgiveness and generosity

I want to be optimistic
words that come out are educated
and not primitive

I want to be educated and not primitive
want to be that glitter in heart
 that sprinkles memories over shoulders

I want to be early and not late
free and not troubled
I want to be productive
and yet
smooth like the calm ocean

never windy, never stirred
I want to be my own direction and not
a roundabout taking me where it wants to go
I want to go where I want to go

I want to be the unexpected
the open minded one
that one that respects and
not disrespectful

I want to be successful
the one who earns her own sweat and not buys it

or worse
steals it

I wonder at those and what theyve done
breaks my heart and makes me so angry i could scream
hate them
I hate them
all the things that could be terrible in a person

Ya Allah help me, I need your helo
being hateful is so negative
please help me,

Ya Allah in this Ramadan give me the power to love you and never leave you
to be kind and yet if my feelings are stronger , let me be able to control
better than anything
better than anyone

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -