Saturday, July 19, 2014

Inability 1

There is no more inability
no feeling of instability
just fresness in my heart
yes I can do it
no i will not fail

No more insecurity
these feelings of anger
for they dont deserve
and i dont deserve to
for anger is just a form of pain
missing healthy silence within me

No more infidelity
to myself
always breaking my own heart
always lying to myself
always telling myself the wrong thing

now its time for honesty
isnt that what they asked?
isnt that they want?
and i dont want to lie

I want to be better first to llah
then to myself
then my sweet family

Ya Allah
i asked and yougave
and i thank you so much
please help me
and never let me be alone
Ya Allah
i want to change
 and next time im seen and felt am heard
I want to be steady
and ready
for a woman inside me yelling to break free

 Ya Allah
I dont her to cry no more
they say she cant stop talking
I cant stop crying... inside

because i see myself unable to reach my full ability
and im tired of just seeing inability

 I want to be like these nemophilas
fresh, clear, adamant, proud, strong,great  and ..... beautiful

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -