Saturday, July 12, 2014

womens jail 2

she breaks my heart, that one
just misery over pain
her life when you look at it beautiful and free
and yet she lives a tragedy
now in jail
a place she once controlled
now controlling her

people can be devils
devils can be people
which one are you
or which one do you befriend, do you love?

I know I chose a great man
want to write about him always
want to love him more
want to understand his feelings
and want to be there for him
want to take care of him forever
because hes changed my life for the better
want to change nice for his eyes
and be kinder from his lips
and be sweeter for his ears
and be thinner for his mind
and be easier in his life

I want to be the memories ive lost and the treasures I knew, the sunsets i used to write about and the paradises I drew - in my head and my heart - I hope ill pass these coming exams - of trials and tribulations of a woman shaky and needy - forgetful but....innocent

yet- innocence sometimes doesnt matter
for ghalia is going to prison
and she is innocent
while the guilty are free
maybe ill be locked up in my innocence
and no one will know that i was

but i really want to be me
the one I loved and respected

Ya Allah if you help me go
 I promise I'll change and be someone else
be devoted and strong and adamant
and proud
be delved into hope
find her
ill go find her
i will
ill go search under the clouds and the rain
and the red buses
and i'll search everywhere
in coffeee shops and guestrooms
until i find her

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -