Monday, July 7, 2014

womens jail 1

Long time I didnt search for something
care about something
want something

Long time Ive been feeling in jail
unable to be the women i need to be

young and happy

Long time Im not filled with hope
just images of  despair

long time my insides are tearing, my heart is starting to change
my mind has forgotten all that is good

Long time I miss being something important
not for people but for myself
Long time I miss being something great
within myself
holdiing myself up high
in regards to the love I give myself
and deserve

long time i feel like I am no longer in control
just pushed by dark waters
into somehwere
far away

a womens jail?

am I in jail
locked up from my true freedom
locked up from what i can really do
how much i can really stay strong
locked up from the real me?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -