Wednesday, April 4, 2012

what is it that i want 1

I ask myself what is it that i want
and i realise i do not know
but more importantly I know
what i DONT
want

and i think to myself
this is what i thought i wanted for so long
and when i saw it in front of me
i realised i felt nauseated with such existence
i realised this is not my existence
i realised this is not what i want
i realised i felt shallow
and superficial
and there was more to me
than what i ever thought


there is more to me than what i ever thought
anad i thought what is right?
what is wrong

wont my ears and eyes know
how come i dont know

I thought

this is wrong
and what makes me feel right is my faith
and my strength comes from within
and my memories
are all strong if faith is involved

but hten i tihnk
i know i want love
but i only know the iceberg
i only know the tip
and ii dont know anything at all


I dont know anything at all

and then i tihnk

maybe that is ok
in fact this is what i want
not to know anything at all

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -