Monday, April 16, 2012

Piercing a Fantasy 2

I breathe in the khartoum air - its 7.36 pm the intermediate intervel between maghrib and isha boundaires azans getting ready to speak out for the final time - the rounding of prayers for a final day - a new day - my day - i see car lights hushing through the streets whispering stories and passing memories
i see shops opened and filled with foods yet pockets empty i smell bread packed in clear plastic bags packed for my romantic heart - dinners of fool and falafel i see colours of baklawa just upon the bridge to cross the nile - its a lightened dark of myseterious images ones hearbreaking ones heartmending - the sound car our sound car takes me where i want to go home and in it is  him - the soldier ive always asked for dreamed for - he is tired from a long day of work and yet he is prepared to save me anytime - the radio softly beats musical rythmyms i do not really know and yet i am so familiar with the echoes that blend english tunes my body likes with sudanese voices my mind hears - a strange communication with a far away submission of history present with time - he turns the stirring wheel with one hand knowledge on his mind faith in his heart - sweat on his soul - life on his street and tired eyes on his lips but he is calm and brave driving khartoum -, i can see him breathing though his shirt , he rests his hand with our wedding ring on it on his lap, brushing my life with it as he goes moves - he is a smooth escapade of love and family my family - working all day and then collecting me from a mornings contribution of extended aunts and cousins - 'did you have fun baby ?' I pull my hand out to touch his forehead , he smiles and my lips curl with happinness - 'are you tired ?' yeah i had a long day at work' ... but he takes my hena'd hand of flowers and leaves and kisses one flower and then follows a leaf with his lips my breath stops at the stoplight - his lips forming strength on my fingers, temptation everwhere elese  i want to love him forever - im going to love him forever - a big coca cola poster looks at us - tempting us to drink it cold and dark in this hot and dark evening of fallen night - 8.01pm we are close to home khartoum heart beats dissolve into me and i into him - he makes my heart shine and my fears tremble and run - ' im so full from dinner ' you liked it ? i'm glad - he stares at the red light to change and i stare at  him - I cant help it no longer - 'I love you' he hears me but he doesnt say anything --to ...................be continued

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -