I feel debilitated

i feel debilitated that i have been debilitated all day and now all i have is to write about it
i find it heartbreaking that i do not want something to happen and yet without even my awareness my consent or my control it happens
by me
I see it aching that i am aching for all the wrong reasons
I hear it unbarable that I am like this unable to hear anything but debilitation
of hunger, of power, of strength
of want of need of demand of answers that need questions
I find it debilitating like i am chained
stuck glued blocked
unmanaged by time
like time runs me by
everyday
like life flys through me every minute and the seconds addd up to be a day
day into days into weeks
into months
into failure
i find it debilitating that there is not answer to my pain
that there is no medicine for my trauma
that there is no conclusion to my action
that there is no success after my failures
I find it debilitating
remorseful
shallowful
consumingly painful
large deposits of lack and shortage
i find it debilitating that all my words together dont mean a thing
that all my meanings dont mean one
that all my ideas are immature and that all of me is immatre
and yet the picture is huge
is wrong
is unforgiving
I fnd debilitating that others are doing things
big thngs
and it will be the turtle and the rabbit
I will lose even though I started off fine
and strong
and otehrs will win even thougg they began slow and wrong and terrble

I will lose
I find it debiliating
that i am an empty vessel
for the devil to sink his dreams in
for the devils to clear their ideas through
and for the devils to have home in the night
i find it debilitating how I let them in my system and hypnotise
control and empower
diminish all my tries
and exxagurat emy desires
until the blaance s tipped and i lose control
everytime
not once is there a no
never
the devil
i say no
to

I find it debilitating that i am here useless like this
locked up inmy own freedom
keyed in with my own key

broken into and my soul stolen
rummaged around with and my heart taken

I find it debilitating that i am powerless to stop
it
them
me
we
soul
so i fall
time and time again

I find it debilitating
painful
terrifying
worrying
accumulating
and
sad
 that i am like this

weak
powerless
wrong
tired

i find it debilitating