Sunday, October 25, 2009

I never usually 8


she came and shattered my dreams

from a place that she grew from, where thorns made her way

she came to prick me with her memories

to try and save me?

but she took my precious fantasy
and scattered it over her ground of wars

look here, she said

nothing is real#nothing is far

u silly girl

I smiled and hid my remains

hid all my pain

of her truth

she wanted to try help me

but she broke me

and tore me

gushing all my love on the ground

pouring all the love that i found

from this special romance

that id never seen before

i showed her

i showed her the strength they made

the strength i trade

with all these feelings

but she couldnt understand

that i understood nothing but this

nothing but his eyes

nothing but her feelings

nothing but their love

this isnt just a series

this isnt just a love story

this is s0mething that has delved deep inside me

loved me , and i loved it back

it is the first thing in a long time, such a long time,

to make me ...change

i never usually change

i never usually get so strong

this is the first something in my true ideas to make me believe

I want it to stay

I want it to save me

I want it to be with me

all the time

and so i balanced her words

and my armor of detail

I looked at my heart and what it felt

what it wanted to feel

what my eyes have been eating on

what my mind had starved

and suddenly all the shattered pieces collected

all the dangling stars re lit again

and i never usually am like this

i never usually dont get affected by peoples memories, by peoples pain

but i am not affected

I am defending my dreams

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -