Friday, October 23, 2009

I never usually 5


They make me go crazy

Ive never been crazy like this before

I never usually plot dreams like this

or think of imaginations of these depth and wires

im electrically connected so bad to this awakening of a fantasy

a solid fantsasy

a solid temble that shakes the earth i walk on

the reality i step on is now consumed by my footsteps of love to love

my eyes fall to create love

my face to look like love

my heart to think of love

no, true love

you see, I used to think of so many things before just ... a few days ago

and now...

I think like a million years have passed

I dream of a simple sweetness

that is making me breathe differently...

and talk strangely

and become ...a different person

I

am scared

I never usually am so scared

But I am

I am scared of being so true

I am scared of being so ... addicted

for since when was addiction good?

or safe

but then again

I dont want safe

I dont want easy

I want....

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -