Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I never usually 3



it's as if there's a power in me , which is stronger than me


it loves you more than me


it's as if I am two persons


There are two persons within me , who are fighting for you continously


one will take you away from me


so Im even scared of myself




...............there's nothing to be scared of




I love you so much


Im afraid of hurting you because of this




............... you can't hurt me




I cant share you with someone else


Dont look into eyes of anyone else


Dont worry about anyone else


Dont shed tears for anyone else


just you and me


me for you


and you for me


this is all i want


it feels like you will fly away if I dont hold onto you tightly




................ look, I am here my darling


I am not going anywhere


undo my hair again


hug me again


I miss you so much


how can you think that i can be without you?


do you think my heartbeats ever slow down?


even if we are away


even if we fall apart, I am always with you


I know that you are always with me too


Distances cannot put us apart


we are one


dont you see that we are intertwined with each other


look deep into my eyes


it's you who is there

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -