Thursday, October 29, 2009

I never usually 12


Ive wasted so many hours

i cannot waste any more

I have become a new person

i cannot turn old

I have in such a small time , changed a great deal

i cannot go back

i have spent so much time

i cannot stop now

suddenly i cannot stop now

i must love this pain

these treasures

but i must also live my life

right now

i feel like im hanging inthe air

lost in the wilderness of my future

misunderstnading my past

regretting things ive done

and not done

and right now

im losing even though i may be winning

you see

i only understand one thing now

and that is

that i am obssessed with this story

this love story

it has taught me one or two things

three or four things

five or six

it has made me leave one or two things

and begin three or four things

five or six

the idea is not just so superficial

but deep down within

i want to be her

i want to be that girl

who loves like that and is loved like that

i know its not paying

or asking

but i need to try for this

i need to live for this

for before i have lived for something else

i never want to be sick and tired of this love

never want to go away

never want it to leave me

I am here

and it is here

and i am believing

more than anything can enfold

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -