Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I never usually 1


I.... am listening to the rain , raining in a small city I live in - amidst all the other surroundings of my heart - the angels fall down on curbs and alleyways, and the parks glisten with anxiety to shell their dreams - flowers pick at roses and benches silence the attitude of lovers - falling in the rain - here in my queit amplitude of 20 minutes break - my tea warms the intensity of my feelings for something in me has.... become attributed to the forsaken times and the broken tears - I feel... remembered although i have forgotten the way it felt to know myself - I feel remembered - for today I watch and listen to something I have been looking for, for so long - I watch the pearls of drama , I listen to the echo of eyes -

I never usually ... believe or try like this

I never usually ... fall like this

I never usually become so strong , become so committed to watching a simple idea grow

I never usually love something so bad

I never usually become ... transformed I suppose

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -