Monday, September 17, 2007

Through a paradise stairs of my dreams

Hurt through waves of lives gone by
Its all left my eyes go dry
Saying love is only ok
Heartbeats spilled by lost balanced footsteps
Broken by tears too heavy for my soul
Split through a time too crazy to hear my call

Afraid from trust so clean with fear
Worried about loving with a key of dangled tears
That opens the way to crimson lost darkness
Closing the touch to a heart felt – beat

Through a paradise stairs of my dreams are strung flowers with petals honeyed with a journey to the stars sprinkling though the sky floating to an eternity where suddenly …. A transparent reality releases from gravity and plummets attracted by my sorrow.

Thought - silently erupting though me as I - motionless as can be – Try and whisper the madness of love that gushes over me when I think of you – Just your name becomes a waterfall for crashing fantasy – your face like the twin of my identity – your breath, ways and core – like something I should be…. Near –

But ‘Near’ is not the shape of our connection - Understanding which is broken into caring which is further broken into Love – is not the right grammar - You have taught me nothing but feeling you don’t feel anything – I have learned everything but learning I could ever tell you when I need you – and the story continues… continues to fall out of love.

Remembering the sound of feeling onceEchoing the shadow of glittering emotionWaking to your forgotten devotionSleeping to a memory that will forever corrode… but will forever explode... Through a paradise stairs of my dreams… and so on........

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -