Sunday, September 16, 2007


A cold heart dripping with frozen spikes yet I can feel the numbness from broken promises that shatter through my chilling memory that is melting in a corner of snowing agony and kerbs that slippery communicate a silent tick with icecold sorrow and regret.

Retreating into the waters of an ocean's foam that drowns me with cries, every sizzling tear of pain falling truly wiping my heart away like adjunct therapy but it was only suffocating reality.

And now I'm lost to the colour of a place that paints me as I erase into a blackness of weakened trust/ fading romance/spilled twinkling stars. I can only let drawings of fake words made by cheap letters that I once beautifully adored - sip through written papers of fate. DRIP DROP, pearls of black nail varnish seal an outline over my printed heart and close ALL THIS with an evil kiss of time that I can never break apart.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -