Sunday, September 16, 2007

Rage no more

Rage - I feel it's intertwining tail gripping through my affection and suffocating my reason, trust solutionised with magic - I used to hold for you. Sometimes I feel it's good for Rage to grab hold of me - maybe it's a therapeutic dose that calms my shock and hyper state of anger towards the simple disease of betrayal you infected me with. Other times my fever rises, my cries of pain anguish and I am psychotically lost but entered to madness of contaminating a future without you.

But finally - today for everyday in everyway -

New way, new ray coming from a sunshine that fell on me again. All I have to say is no need for collapsing dreams only the need for a breath that is looking at a shining beam - once more - the storm has ended, the winds have been pushed back, there is no need for fear and there is no reason to give up. No more.


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -