Friday, September 21, 2007

Locked dreams

My eyes send a droplet of a cry
It hits your face on the piece of art and runs quickly by,
Leaving me dry, doesn't wet, doesnt' soak through to make it real -
And you're still smiling looking at me, but not really me
Because I'm looking at you but you will never see

Reality is police that locks up dreams
I stare long and hard at its soft detail and fineness
Then close my eyes to revise its memory
But all I hear are sirens , faster and louder of misery
Their radar has detected this dream that is free
They must arrest it before more damage of fantasy can flee
Snatch it from my heart and take it away
Lock it in an envelope to suffocate its rays
That once shined upon me and left me pray
That one day we could have found each other someway
A picture of you and I
Never to be mine -
In the control of reality
Lost but never to be found
I can imagine it being shut in a corner
In a far away room
My life on the outside has been left to gloom
I'll always memorise what you meant to me
but reaching an understanding that we could never be

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -