Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Ya Allah.... Give me

I know
That you will be with me
And that your love will
Protect me
And i am here always
And praying
Even if i forget
Ya Allah 
Let me have my own story
And not like anyone elses
Ya Allah
I needyou so much
And i savour anything u give me
Forgive me if i am weak 
Or i am impatient
Or i am scared
Or worse
That i am jealous
I am here 
I am here
And maybe even arrogant
But i am here
I am definitely not good
But i am definitely not bad
Ya Allah
Please be with me
I want to feel it all
Please let it be this time
Ya Allah
Be with me
And accept me
And allow me
And change me
And forgive me
Ya Allah
Please read
Ya Allah 
Give me
For i am a greedy slave 
Ya Allah

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -