What does one do when you feel.... on the exterior, when you feel like an outcast in you own family?
I remember days and moments I remember closeness and I think about words spoken and secrets I told
I dont know now secrets are gold I will not let go of
I feeel weak and broken when secrets come out of me now
for no one haas told me theirs
I ask myself why?
why dont they tell me their exciting promises and their acheivements?
its such a trembling question actually
are they afraid i will ruin it ?
am i at a lower lavel of family then i thought for htey have put me amongst the common family
are they so happy about their progress they want to make sure it rocks me when I find out ?
are they afraid i will jinx it foor them?
ask too many questions
the summary is the same.... they feel it is none of my business
and that hurts
and strangely it is devastating that i never felt like that before towards them
always excited to tell them my news I was
now its a gift to hide things
I feel .... like life changes
and people change
I change and my emotions change
that closesness you think you have with someone develops int o something else
you have to fight it
and you hav e to break it
that feeling of closeness you think you have for
they even are not afraid to tell you
I forgot you
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