Saturday, September 12, 2015

thats why

Last words before I go prepare for Tommorow...

All my life I should be preparing for Tommorow
but here I am never even preparing for today
my fridge is annoying me and no difference from the before me
nothing is gonna make it clean but me
nothing is gonna make it right but me
for here I am , with actual great relief that i know whats wrong
maybe noteven blaming myself no more
jsut the reasons taht Allah has placed
Allah has given me the easiest of problems
the easiest of chances
the best of ways
and suddenly I am actually happy
understanding what my body is doing
understanding where I am
I feel like its all here
and from today I will never give up
I will always pray for that day
and I will always understand that Allah is here for me

 
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -