Monday, May 28, 2012

vast debt

Dreaming is dangerous filled with beautiful lights and miraculous extensions of anything you want happening
I dream so much of you of a night with butterflies and satin of table cloths freshly linened and white
of us white and new
dreaming is dangerous for dreams need power energy and electricity lighting my whole heart with infusion of hope
like a bad remedy I live on the extremities of thinking about you and imagining you near me and iwth me like one
dancing living
dreaming is timeless even though each second i run out of time to conjure more
its like i am poverished as all my wealth has gone to creat you our image our smiles our love
it holds me and breaks me the amount of  beauty it casts
dreaming is the death of real for no longer am i real without you
I canot breathe without you
i cannot do anything without you
i love you so much I can barely breathe
dreaming is a fanasy like an addiction my whole body aches
but the pain is black crystal like a new mercedes benz
i ......dream wwithout accident but the consequence is vast debt
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -