Friday, May 25, 2012

at the crossraods of a new plan

Dear God - here I am asking for your help - I have grown up and am asking for grown up things
I ask for big chances and even bigger types of forgiveness - es
I ask for you to return me to to the path of A heaven
I hear you give without pay
I hear you forgive without question
I hear you are kind before you are not
I hear you are my only chance and my only happinness

Dear God - here I am suddenly aware that i am only weak because you are not with me
and I am only weak because i do not believe in myself
I am sorry for all ive done
ther eis a gaping hole in my heart
a wounded pain
all by me
and here i am
hoping
that you forgive me
that you allow me to do biger and better things

Ya Rab
here is my crossraods to you
 Ya Rab help me
Ya Rab
I need your guidance
Ya Rab

I ask for your help 
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -