I love you, you're beautiful
I cannot confirm the words said though I know in my heart the meaning is there
5 words sincerely majestic of all my dreams coming true
across the horizons, faiths, bodies, times and meaning I use these words to feel so sincerely pure and in ...sync with my emotions but the truth is my feelings are so uncontrollable I can barely breathe - I am lost in the dress , in the confidence, in the beauty, in the proudness, in the love, in the strength, in the details - I am lost in the details and somewhere in between rarely and rapidly I find myself - within the glances the words the feelings the marriage ! and then i forget who I am what I want why I write what I am made of
when i am back to myself - I mix truth with unreality fantasy with conspiracy royalty with normality love with unwant passion for lust and dreams for kidnapping - the result is a confused beautiful but unknown woman - unsure of her whereabouts, her desires and her true dreams
the result is a woman sad and angry at herself for letting herself become someone she doesn't want to be
its' like being held hostage by something so simple its like locking yourself in a door and you have the key its right there the key but you just cant reach it!
the result is a woman with so many strong hearts and souls that it is awkward and fearful to even attempt having them
so I continue to get lost under control
lost in the satin and lace and in control by the land rovers and the security doors
lost in the fairytale and honeymoon
in control by the reality of the moon over me
I try and understand how I can love myself royal
I try and find the point inside me that is hurting and that i have left hurt for so long
i try and stop myself
I am succeeding some may
but I am also failing at my decision to want a fairytale
my body says - stupid stupid woman
my heart says - feel what you want , you deserve what you believe
my soul says - I will beat you down
my mind says - STOP STOP STOP!
my faith says - God is your royal envelope to the world - just stamp what you want and one day the letter Will reach you no matter how hard................
Dear God
I pray you help me wake up on time for alsubuh for I am lost without morning prayer
I feel down and dirty and lacking in stability - 4 pillars instead of 5 is not enough
please god don't let me give up and don't let it be impossible nothing is impossible
Dear God I am a fairytale woman - please let me be a part of any fairytale you desire for me for that is royal, more than royal for me
I pray you forgive me
I pray you have me
I pray you let me serve you and love you all the time
for when I forget you - I feel ugly
I feel impure
I feel so inflated with byproducts of the world - it's like I am reusable
and i should not be reusable
I should be unique
I should be proud
I should be existing as one
dear God give me the purity and innocence to redeem myself
give me the ability to forgive myself for that capability is powerful beautiful
I love you you're beautiful dear God
i love you you're beautiful and you love all that is beautiful
please make me beautiful
please make me happily kind and beautiful
please make me Worth loving
please make me yours
let me wear Islam between my dantalle and the satin of my emotions
let me be controlled by the handsome strength of my faith
let me be loved by the prince of your choice
for anything you choose for me is royal
anything you give me , will be forever royal
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