Friday, May 20, 2011

looking for you........ Lights of a distant balcony



It's just sunset.... or is it sunrise?
I dont know how many times in my dreams there are are surreal calm and fair winds of pure life exiting so deep within the realms of heavenly faith the link between  the whispers of the days end or its beginning become scented with balcony lights of the skies. Open my heart to a tale fantasy of staircase enchantment and swimming pools filled with white pearls - I stand on the edge of this daring imagination of my reflection a tiny grand encapsulement of beautiful romance ----- where am I? I am in the mirrors that delve with sweet secrets and honest lies? or am I seeing a brave turn of love and mystery become synchronised with what God has planned all along -
My eyes glitter with the ripples of the water and I can gently hear the wave of my emotions drowning in that hour - where the sun is neither rising or dropping and my body is neither mine nor a strangers and my heart is neither beating nor aching and my mind is neither able nor willing to remember where I am

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -