Wednesday, March 23, 2016

twins.... i shouldnt have seen

Feeling.... low
Feeling ... high

dont know

Feeling lost

That woman probably saw the new on paris and never thought it would happen to her... or her beautiful twins

I feel so sorry for ... them
for life ,, sore as a bruise

wallahi, nothing to do with religion, or politics, or anything, just a pain of hearing and seeing those twins lose their mother

and the mother lose her plans with them, lose life with them, lose advising them, being their for them, travelling with them, more so losing her personal life with them

for suddenly those twins are famous and im sure she would have been afraid

its hard to ask the question why, there is no answer
but there is the loss of pain , the loss of trouble
the loss of torment and grief that ana and elsa are on their own

almost like a fairytale,., theyll be growing up saying they lost their mother when they were 3
suddenly, it may change them forever, to the best i hope
i hope their father remains strong

i feel like ive lost a dream with them too
i feel like ive learnt of a new sadness i shouldnt have heard
interfered in a life i shouldnt have
touched by a story i shouldnt have learned
sad
lost

those twins... are almost like ..........

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -